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There! I admitted it. I don’t like change.

We are told that humans like routine, habit, structure, consistency. Well, I am human, and I like those things.

I have so far avoided admitting it, through my words and actions. I am not sure why. I want to be the “up for anything” type of person. I always liked being open minded and flexible. I used to be open to suggestions and criticism. I have traveled the world, and I have written with strangers, with little to no planning. How could I not be adjustable? How could I not like change?

I like my poems to have structure, my life to have routine, and my characters to be consistent.

I am an artist. Art changes. Some art demands change. Improv is about saying “yes and” to everything coming one’s way and going with it. Postmodern poetry broke down many structural poetry styles. Style changes. What works changes. Society changes. Life is filled with changes.

I don’t like it. I like my poetry to be structured. I like my music to have consistency. I like rhythm. I like rhyme. I like routine.

Why am I coming to this conclusion now?

I got into a tiff with a few people recently over changing my schedule and routine. I finally said, “Look, a bunch of us don’t like change.” Meaning me. Don’t try to change my routine and expect me to give a thumbs up.

This struck me as odd. I don’t really care for confrontation, but I do like communication and honesty. However, it didn’t sink in right away. It wasn’t until I finished reading a book. It had a surprise twist at the end, and I was near furious. Irrationally angry. A surprise twist? At the end? What gives? Since when?

Since always, Megan.

This was the second time in the last six months a book had a surprise twist at the end that perturbed me for days. Not minutes. Not hours. Days! I finished  Elizabeth Kata’s “Patch of Blue” more than a week ago, and I’m still talking about the surprise twist and how pissed I am about it.

Life of Pi” by Yann Martel was the first book. I ended up accepting the change at the end. As a writer and a reader, I understood the surprise twist at the end. “Patch of Blue” was the second book and I still haven’t accepted the change. The twist at the end required the characters to go against everything the character development built throughout the development of the book. The character personalities completely changed in the matter of three paragraphs. Three paragraphs broke down more than 100 pages worth of character consistency. Not only did the twist change the ending of the story, it changed the course of life for the two main characters, even after the books end. It even changed the characters’ habits, their very consistent nature and behaviors.

That’s nearly unforgivable for me. Me, an artist, a human who doesn’t like change. I like my poems to have structure, my life to have routine, and my characters to be consistent.

After writing this blog post and reading it over, I’ve decided maybe I need a time out. No more fiction reading or social interaction for a while. I won’t be able to pick up a book or leave my bedroom until I can start accepting change, saying “yes and” to things again, and not getting angry over endings of stories.

I can have dessert after I finish my dinner… beyond than that, I’m grounded.

 

Megan Andreuzzi is an animal lover and a traveler from the New Jersey Shore. She earned a degree from Arcadia University in Glenside, Pennsylvania, USA in Liberal Studies with a dual concentration in writing and a minor in theater.